What Doesn't Kill You
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: She had to remind herself that this wasn't her Zane. She had to be strong, no matter how much she wanted to run. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right?


**What Doesn't Kill You**

**Rifiuto: Non ****Miriena**

******Summary: She had to remind herself that this wasn't _her_ Zane. She had to be strong, no matter how much she wanted to run. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right?**

She took a deep breath.

Memories of them came flooding into her brain, and she had to blink to keep the tears away. Slowly, she made her way into the research lab, doing her usual rounds, making sure nothing was going out of control, and that everything was on schedule. She started near the hall, so she could flee if need be.

But slowly, she began to make her way towards him.

Her eyes took in the silhouette of his body, the dark hair, the stubble on his cheek. She saw his muscles flex as he worked on something, and found herself blushing as her eyes moved down, taking in the curve of his hips and the strength of his thighs. He wore a tank and an overshirt that was- surprisingly- buttoned for once. The jeans he wore slacked on his hips, but suited his bad boy image all the more. She could see rips in the knees. Obviously, he hadn't thought much of what he was going to wear this morning.

Her lungs constricted painfully as she slowly sucked in a breath. He looked _so much_ like _him_...

But he wasn't.

He wasn't hers.

Not the one _she_ knew, anyway.

The one she knew and loved would never have had stubble; he would have dressed nice for work, he would have grinned as he worked, knowing that they would get together after for coffee or a romp between the sheets. He would have come over to her and kissed her, held her, told her he loved her.

Not this one.

He didn't love her. Or if he did, he wasn't saying so.

He was only in it for the sex.

Now that his relationship with Zoe was terminated permanently, he was going after her with unequaled force. His words came rushing back to her.

_"That didn't feel like a first kiss. What were we to each other, Jo?"_

She shook her head, sending the words flinging off into the distance. He'd stared at her that day when she threw the engagement ring at him, looked at her with quizzical blue eyes, before asking why she had his grandmother's ring. She'd wanted to flee back to the other time, throw herself into his arms and sob at the bewildered look on his face. But she hadn't. She couldn't. Instead, she'd turned to go, and he'd stopped her, asking.

Chills ran up her spine as she got closer, and she had to force her breathing to calm. She was Head of GD Security, after all. She had an IQ to rival Einstein. She had fought in Afganistan, faced down Taliban leaders. She'd grown up with three older brothers, had survived time travel and virtual plague. She'd stopped armageddon more than once, lived through wormholes and poisonous fumes. She could survive anything.

Except this.

Gasping for breath, she turned to go, hurrying back to the hall. But halfway to the door, she stopped.

This was ridiculous. She was Jo Lupo, head of GD Security, for God's sake. She'd worked with Carter on more than one case back when he was that boneheaded marshall, new to Eureka. And he'd quickly become her best friend. She'd fallen in love with _him_ when it didn't seem possible. She'd been to 1947 and back, gone to the future, and unfortunately, had become trapped. But she'd survived.

She and Carter and Allison and Fargo, Henry and Grace... they'd all survived so much.

And she could survive this. She had to.

She was in love.

With him.

No matter how many times she told herself that she was in love with the _other_ him...

She was still in love, either way.

She turned back to look at him. After a moment, she made her decision. Squaring back her shoulders, she strode purposefully towards him, going over what she'd say in her head. But as soon as she got close, it flew from her brain.

She had to remind herself that this wasn't _her_ Zane.

But he was hers. Just not the one she wanted.

She had to be strong, no matter how much she wanted to run.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Right?

She cleared her throat, and he looked up. A glower crossed his face briefly at being interrupted. But then he laid eyes on her and smirked.

"'Bout time you got over here, Jojo."

Her mouth dropped as she struggled to find words. "Ah... how... how's everything going?" She refused to let him see how intimidated she was. So she put her arms behind her back to keep control of the situation.

"Good." He said, returning to his work. "You?"

She nodded. "Good. Just... making my usual rounds."

"Huh." Her brow furrowed. "I could have sworn you were coming over to see me."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, Donovan." He chuckled softly, that smirk that she hated so crossing his face. "Well, I... I'd better get back to work."

"Sure, Jojo. You do that." He said, as she turned to go. She stopped, thinking. After a moment, she turned and went back to him, sliding herself between him and whatever he was working on. Her hands ran up his chest, undoing the buttons on his overshirt, before going up around his neck. She stared into his eyes, noting the confusion as she interrupted his work. "What are you doing? Jojo-"

It was now or never.

He wasn't _hers_, but he was. She had to get used to it. And that meant accepting that she had fallen in love.

With him.

With the _wrong_ one, but still him.

She kissed him, taking his face in her hands as her lips crashed against his. A moment passed before he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. She was acting on impulse, something she never did. But she was going to try.

Starting now.

When she pulled away, she stared into his surprised blue eyes, and let out the breath she'd been holding. Cradling his cheek, she whispered,

"Can you love me the way you used to, Donovan?"

"What are you talking-"

"I'm taking what I want. You're not mine, but I hope one day you will be. Just give us a chance."

Her lips pressed against his, stopping him from replying. The couple didn't notice Jack and Henry pass by in the hall. The two older men stopped at the door, watching the younger couple. Jack put his hands in his pockets, a smile on his face. He'd been the one that had talked to Jo about this, not long after they arrived. He'd watched her struggle, and had done all he could to help her understand that she had to take her fate into her own hands. Just this morning, before work, he'd told her she was strong, and that that strength would get her through anything. And now, he was watching the proof of his words.

His best friend was strong. She'd get through this just fine.

"Good girl, Jo." Then, he followed Henry, casting one last glance back at the couple.

Meanwhile, _he_ lifted her inches off the ground, holding her close. He didn't realize that the strength she possessed now had been previously replaced by fear. That she was repeating Jack's phrase in her head as they kissed. That she was telling herself that she was strong, and that this was proof of it.

_What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Jo. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. __What doesn't kill you makes you... _

In the back of her mind, she heard _her_ Zane,

"That's my girl, Jojo."

_Stronger._


End file.
